"To vlog or not to vlog, that is the question"

I've developed a recent urge to make and edit videos. It could just be a fad considering i've been binge watching youtubers for a while. Not so long ago i was asked to edit a video for the senior year graduation. I was expected to make a rough-amatuer video in less than three hours. Considering i did not even know what button did what, i took up the challenge nonetheless. I do not know how, but i got the basic functionality of the video editor in a matter of minutes and i was off excitedly making a, what turned out to be a pretty fun(ny) video. That was probably when i realized i really liked editing videos.

[Watch the video i made if you like]

Then of course my obsession with youtube studstars. I've always found it extremely interesting that a bunch of normal people talking about their somewhat normal life are treated like celebrities. Of course it's not just rant rant rant, they make ordinary things sound extraordinary with humour and well-timed wit. I consider myself a mediocrely funny person. By mediocre i mean hella lot. (strangle me now) Honestly who doesn't right? RIGHT?! Right. I do have some ideas for videos that i think are good. But is that enough? I thought, Hey! There are no vloggers/ youtubers from india. Maybe its an unventured area that should be utilised. BUT, maybe no one has ventured here because of the lack of audience? What if i can actually make this a fruitful venture? What if i can't? Questions like these eating my brain away, whilst the opportunity i may or may not have slips from my fingers.   I think i may just give it a go. I don't have anything to lose, but i may have much to gain. Aren't i right?

My last academic year of degree college just started. I have a tendency to forget really unforgettable and happy memories. Yes, i somehow manage to do that. No, I am not proud. It makes me mad! So i can combine the need to remember with my urge to vlog and make a sort of video-memoir of my last year of college. Is this or is this not a good idea? Hopefully i can step out of my comfort zone soon and start doing things instead of blog-complain about them! Send me positivity people! THANK YOU!

[moi]

{soz having a bad hair day}

This Is The Start Of My Existential Crisis

The human body. That's how this thought process started. The human body is so complex. And what's scarier is that there are people who know how this complexity works. There are so many organs inside me. How is it held together? I dont know. Protected by bones, flesh and skin. Im more than just skin deep. I am the same as anyone on the other side of the world and yet we have two completely different lives.
NOW, my brain is analysing. Remembering. Reasoning. Thinking somehow. My mind is actually my brain.(?) It tells me things. I respond to it. it's like like there are two entities inside me. My thoughts and then there's my actions. Why?? How??
What is the meaning of all this? God must really exist then. But who made God? How can something come out of nothing? It scares me.
Have you ever thought about the sun? The sun is a big ball of fire just floating in space. JUST FLOATING. Nothing on top, nothing below it. Just suspended by God knows(well) what!?  Around this there are nine rocks revolving and rotating. Just following an invisible path and staying on it. Not faltering even for a second. WELL HELLO! We are all riding a big-ass rock that is somehow going around this big ball of flames for apparently millions of years. If it changed even a little, even for a millisecond, we would probably die.
But here we all are, worried about little things like how we never have enough money or how "their car is bigger than ours". We are a part of something SO SO big! So much bigger than us. We are basically nothing. We are alive today, we die tomorrow. But the earth, sun and the other planets go on. Even dead suns become stars to us. We are that unimportant.
What if we are actually a speck of dust? I mean, the infinite universe we belong to is a speck in a bigger outer universe, we don't even now. In relativity to this are our worries significant? Is it worth living another normal life? Wouldn't it be more fulfilling if this earth was explored thoroughly? If that was even possible. Because this planet is huge to us, but a tiny pebble in the universe. We can't travel the universe yet but shouldn't we at least try to get to know the pebble we live on?
I think we should all just leave our lives behind and dance in the fields, sing to the stars and jump into the water from a hill!
But the fact that i have realised the truth and yet live just like an ignorant makes my chest hurt and after this i am going to return to my taxation books to learn about how the government has helped avoiding re taxation. Irrelevant but unfortunately unavoidable till i can develop the guts to be unafraid and run head-first into the life that awaits me on the other side.   

Your penis is not a license!

As a girl in today's society i don't think i feel any more empowered than a woman in the 1950's. I do not know the origin of this social imbalance. Why and how men were thought to be better and how there was a general agreement of sorts that women are not. But what if the part where a man decided he was better didn't happen? What if he decided women are his equals? I can only dream of such euphoria. Technically, men are in fact in no way better than women other than their ability to stand up while urinating, which is not the ultimate decider of greatness in any way. Women are just as capable and strong as men. We can do a better job in dresses and heels, than men can in their "I'm Better" clothes. We're more gentle, more emotional and more thoughtful, does this not count as factors that make us better? But we are labelled frail, wreck and clingy. If every woman, in the world decided not to carry out her womanly duties (as it's called) then i am willing to bet my freedom as a woman (which is not going to fetch you much) that the world will fall apart.

Men think they have a right to do whatever they want to women because of pre-historic foolishness that they are the superior apes. Apes, indeed! The amount of rape cases has risen to such an extent that it's not even taken seriously anymore. Rape is honestly the most ridiculous crime. Here i must state that, rape isn't confined only to horny men but also women. That said, what exactly triggers rape? Most idiots would say, " Oh the girls provocative dressing of course". Well you're really wrong and you should know that. Dressing provocatively? That means a girl has no rights to dress the way she wants, because she may trigger feelings in a man that he need not control, but she should of course, understand that men are incapable of keeping their urges to themselves and will end up expressing it to her and she will have to take the blame because she's a little slut. Is that it? Just because you have a penis does not mean you can put it in her. But that doesn't make a man an emotional wreck or weak. It is a sign of his manhood i suppose. But what makes him think he can do what he wants? Who's giving him the wrong idea that women are walking and talking copulation devices? We're not! We have the same urges and feelings as well. We don't go around expressing it ( few  exceptions of course). But thanks to the ill-fate bestowed on us by Mother Nature (oh the irony) even if we do express our urges, we bear the result.................in our own uterus.

The unfair discrimination women face because we're women is just that.......unfair. We are conditioned to think that as girls we can do only certain things, the rest must not be taken on by us. 

This picture speaks for itself. This is how we're conditioned. A very few of us are lucky enough to realize the place we're given in society is not what we deserve, we deserve more. The luckier ones do something about it. The unfortunate ones are those who are lucky enough to realize this and not do anything about it. As for the ones who do not have the luxury of such a realization will lead, i believe, a blissful life in the ignorance of their power.

On Valentine's Day

Everybody gets mushy and either extremely happy or extremely sad when it's valentines day. I, on the other hand turn sardonic. It's the way the day is portrayed. I am single and I am happy. It's not a lie i tell myself to help me sleep at night, it's the truth. I do not have the momentary need on valentines day for someone else to make me feel like a whole person. I didn't quite have the intention of ranting about this until one of my friends asked me how my valentine's day was. I'm sure she didn't mean to make it sound like she was mocking me, but it did feel that way as anyone who knows me, knows i do not stand for the mainstream propagations ( especially the ones where the greeting card companies to make a profit) She went on to say that since she had no one to gift her anything she bought herself a gift to make herself happy. She also told me to do the same. Buy myself some chocolates and eat them. Like binge eating i suppose? Because im single and no guy wants to go out with me?

I honestly do not give a flying duck about not having some GUY on a day where everyone acts as romantic as Manny is everyday. I do not hold my self-worth based on a relationship i cant conjure because my standards are exceptionally abnormal to be met with. Telling yourself or others that "Its okay, feel better with chocolates" is not a way of consoling them. It is a way to say, "feel bad because no one loves you". That is not true because i do have people who love me and they don't need that one day to show it. The need for a guy to complete me? That is not a compliment to the guy, but an insult to myself. An insult because, one need not feel incomplete due to the lack of a lover/love-maker person. You are a whole person, in yourself. You should not believe anything less and neither should you let anyone treat you or make you feel that way.

I may sound like a crazy-preacher person, because sometimes i need to let that person in me out and make this world a better place for me to live in! Get it? A bit selfish, because who isn't? Also im not running for president. So feel good and if you ever feel like no one loves you, you're wrong because I DO!

Much Love.